Group work is a challenge in and of itself. I'm very happy to be in the group I'm in, though. Our meeting today was calm and reframing--we established a time table to get all of our work done and have something really polished to present in class.
I feel like we got a little reamed on Tuesday. I think there were one or two people in particular who have trouble allowing space for mistakes. It seems to be a common theme among a certain strand of people, actually--thinking of things as finished products and handling them as such. I appreciated that you were able to remind all of us that what we were looking at was not a finished product but rather a jumping off point. Even at the stage in the process when we feel like something could be called "finished" it seems inappropriate to treat it the way that I feel some of my fellow students treated some of the work seen on Tuesday.
I think most of that--as I imagine I've probably discussed before--comes from a place of fear. My suspicion is that the fear that brings on that brand of quiet hostility finds its epicenter in the fear of inadequacy.
Today as we were re-framing our piece, we started by building a protagonist. We decided that our protagonist's struggle should be one about seeking information. While that doesn't feel very physically active, it strikes me that many oppressions have been aided by a refusal to supply the oppressed with knowledge--a disinclination to arm the people with the tools of rhetoric they would need to advocate for themselves.
So now our protagonist is a young woman struggling with misinformation and peer pressure on her quest for the truth. The piece begins in a sex ed classroom where a lot of misinformation is being suggested. The scene morphs into a second movement that takes place inside the protagonist's head wherein all of the misinformation manifests itself rather grotesquely in the form of three archetypal personas--a physician, a crone (though we've been calling her a "nana"), and a gossipy best friend. The spect-actors will be offered the chance to choose which entity they would like to combat in a quest for the protagonist's agency in sexual health education. At least, that's what we have for now. It's kind of like Iron Chef, but with TO.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Yowza! Falling Behind Pt. 2!
The train car exercise is like...the coolest thing I've ever seen. What a wonderful construction! It's the most relatable thing I think I've ever seen. Being theatre majors, we probably all had some Dutchman discomfort going into it, but it was wonderful.
I found it uncomfortable when the characters were silenced because I personally find it more difficult to negotiate physically than verbally. This seems like it would be a very valuable exercise for groups of young people. Girl Scout and Boy Scout troops. It seemed like an excellent model of the three-prong structure of writing a Forum piece. Although we didn't get to that point, I can see the initial performance of a piece like this resulting in violence or verbal abuse.
With that knowledge and that experience, we moved into developing our own images for our topic. I thought that our group worked really well together. There's a bit of awkwardness and stiltedness that I think comes from existing in the world of academia--we're scared to step on each other's toes or to do anything that would lead one of our group members to feel discounted or discredited. The fact is, though, I think we're all at ease with expressing ourselves and are all VERY receptive to one another's ideas. Maybe I'll ask that we discuss it on Tuesday. "Assume good will". I think we came quite far in our images, though. I was surprised by how many ideas we had and how fluidly we moved for a few moments at a time. It was lovely--I adore my group.
Shannon joined our group specifically because she sought out the people that she knew she would not fight with. I think we work together well, and we were surprisingly efficient! I'm not usually a cog in the efficiency machine--I'm more of an idea person.
Overall, I think the challenge with our piece will be creating a long enough moment of Chinese crisis that we can entice a spect-actor to participate--they need time to think, Yes! I want to participate--I should go in there and stop this, but...but I'm nervous and maybe I talk too much and maybe someone else needs a chance to talk............no? Well, maybe I'm the only one. OKAY! Long story short, we need to buy ourselves some time in those early moments of Chinese crisis. This will be an interesting writing challenge, although I'm not sure entirely how the writing of the piece will come together. Through images, I imagine. And I'm guessing we'll probably have lots of non-negotiable trait discussions for each of the characters.
Shannon's going to be our joker, which is probably a good thing. She's adept at handling a room of people. Mostly, the writing part is what worries me. If we can get through that without making anything a cliche or making anything too obvious, I think we'll be fine. Here's hoping.
I found it uncomfortable when the characters were silenced because I personally find it more difficult to negotiate physically than verbally. This seems like it would be a very valuable exercise for groups of young people. Girl Scout and Boy Scout troops. It seemed like an excellent model of the three-prong structure of writing a Forum piece. Although we didn't get to that point, I can see the initial performance of a piece like this resulting in violence or verbal abuse.
With that knowledge and that experience, we moved into developing our own images for our topic. I thought that our group worked really well together. There's a bit of awkwardness and stiltedness that I think comes from existing in the world of academia--we're scared to step on each other's toes or to do anything that would lead one of our group members to feel discounted or discredited. The fact is, though, I think we're all at ease with expressing ourselves and are all VERY receptive to one another's ideas. Maybe I'll ask that we discuss it on Tuesday. "Assume good will". I think we came quite far in our images, though. I was surprised by how many ideas we had and how fluidly we moved for a few moments at a time. It was lovely--I adore my group.
Shannon joined our group specifically because she sought out the people that she knew she would not fight with. I think we work together well, and we were surprisingly efficient! I'm not usually a cog in the efficiency machine--I'm more of an idea person.
Overall, I think the challenge with our piece will be creating a long enough moment of Chinese crisis that we can entice a spect-actor to participate--they need time to think, Yes! I want to participate--I should go in there and stop this, but...but I'm nervous and maybe I talk too much and maybe someone else needs a chance to talk............no? Well, maybe I'm the only one. OKAY! Long story short, we need to buy ourselves some time in those early moments of Chinese crisis. This will be an interesting writing challenge, although I'm not sure entirely how the writing of the piece will come together. Through images, I imagine. And I'm guessing we'll probably have lots of non-negotiable trait discussions for each of the characters.
Shannon's going to be our joker, which is probably a good thing. She's adept at handling a room of people. Mostly, the writing part is what worries me. If we can get through that without making anything a cliche or making anything too obvious, I think we'll be fine. Here's hoping.
Yowza! Falling Behind Pt. 1!
Yyyyyyikes! I've fallen so far behind now that we only do one blog for reading and one for class each week. Whoops!
So last week, we watched Jana Sanskriti, which was really incredible to me. It was astounding to see into the lives of Indian performers doing exactly the work we're being trained to do. Their performances were beautiful and maintained a lot of Indian theatre traditions. I realized that Forum Theatre is not a style, but is more of a canvas--a structure. It is the bones that the styles and techniques are stretched over. Forum Theatre is a method, a way in--a set of almost universal conventions that allow for different subject matter handled in the most appropriate way. It is a guide to creating a safe space.
I wonder if that part is more difficult here in the United States. It seems that we have a more difficult time succumbing to a safe space for fear that it is not genuinely safe. We spend so much of our lives as Americans being advertised to and spoken subversively to, coerced and convinced. We learn as a second nature to be wary of anyone who tries to lure us into a sense of security and safety because as soon as we unclench, that's when they'll rob us blind or try to sell us on a new religion.
Additionally, the travelers in Jana Sanskriti spent a lot of time in the villages they performed for--they learned the customs and the problems. They learned the people by working alongside them and building that show-me-don't-tell-me trust. I wish we had the opportunity to do that with ITT. I think people would be more comfortable volunteering--it never seems to be a space that is quite safe enough to entice anyone. And using patient silence as a pedagogical tool requires a lot of confidence. Being able to stand in front of a classroom and wait patiently and silently, locking eyes with each student and silently encouraging them to take a risk and chase down an education...that's exhausting! And difficult! I wonder if that would help make the space feel safe, though, or if it would be a situation where spect-actors felt pressured to comply and participate.
I think a lot of it has to do with the energy of the room. I think a joker or facilitator has to be able to read and receive the energy of the room, match it, and guide it upward--out of a place of fear or insecurity or boredom and into a place of confidence and fun and excitement. I hope we can accomplish that with our Forum piece. Shannon would like to be the Joker, and I know she has experience in classrooms, so I think that will be helpful and beneficial.
Once the safe space is established, it seems like everything flows really nicely--like that skeleton of Forum Theatre takes over and guides the story through to the end. The whole process has to take place in an environment of support. It's almost like one needs to lighten the mood and keep the audience entertained while guiding them through their own process of pulling together their solutions to the posed problems.
I feel like there's not as much of a possibility to work side by side with our audiences in structures like ITT as there would be if we were something more like the Jana Sanskriti troupe. I recognize that there's no way we could afford the time and there's no way we have the budget to pull something like that together, but it does leave a kind of nagging longing in me. I'd like to someday try my hand at facilitating. I feel like it might be something I'd be good at. Addressing large groups of people is a stand-by strength of mine, particularly if I know what I'm talking about and have a structure in place for it. Maybe someday.
Until then, the work deserves to be done in any capacity I can assist in.
So last week, we watched Jana Sanskriti, which was really incredible to me. It was astounding to see into the lives of Indian performers doing exactly the work we're being trained to do. Their performances were beautiful and maintained a lot of Indian theatre traditions. I realized that Forum Theatre is not a style, but is more of a canvas--a structure. It is the bones that the styles and techniques are stretched over. Forum Theatre is a method, a way in--a set of almost universal conventions that allow for different subject matter handled in the most appropriate way. It is a guide to creating a safe space.
I wonder if that part is more difficult here in the United States. It seems that we have a more difficult time succumbing to a safe space for fear that it is not genuinely safe. We spend so much of our lives as Americans being advertised to and spoken subversively to, coerced and convinced. We learn as a second nature to be wary of anyone who tries to lure us into a sense of security and safety because as soon as we unclench, that's when they'll rob us blind or try to sell us on a new religion.
Additionally, the travelers in Jana Sanskriti spent a lot of time in the villages they performed for--they learned the customs and the problems. They learned the people by working alongside them and building that show-me-don't-tell-me trust. I wish we had the opportunity to do that with ITT. I think people would be more comfortable volunteering--it never seems to be a space that is quite safe enough to entice anyone. And using patient silence as a pedagogical tool requires a lot of confidence. Being able to stand in front of a classroom and wait patiently and silently, locking eyes with each student and silently encouraging them to take a risk and chase down an education...that's exhausting! And difficult! I wonder if that would help make the space feel safe, though, or if it would be a situation where spect-actors felt pressured to comply and participate.
I think a lot of it has to do with the energy of the room. I think a joker or facilitator has to be able to read and receive the energy of the room, match it, and guide it upward--out of a place of fear or insecurity or boredom and into a place of confidence and fun and excitement. I hope we can accomplish that with our Forum piece. Shannon would like to be the Joker, and I know she has experience in classrooms, so I think that will be helpful and beneficial.
Once the safe space is established, it seems like everything flows really nicely--like that skeleton of Forum Theatre takes over and guides the story through to the end. The whole process has to take place in an environment of support. It's almost like one needs to lighten the mood and keep the audience entertained while guiding them through their own process of pulling together their solutions to the posed problems.
I feel like there's not as much of a possibility to work side by side with our audiences in structures like ITT as there would be if we were something more like the Jana Sanskriti troupe. I recognize that there's no way we could afford the time and there's no way we have the budget to pull something like that together, but it does leave a kind of nagging longing in me. I'd like to someday try my hand at facilitating. I feel like it might be something I'd be good at. Addressing large groups of people is a stand-by strength of mine, particularly if I know what I'm talking about and have a structure in place for it. Maybe someday.
Until then, the work deserves to be done in any capacity I can assist in.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Class 10/1
I was nervous. I mean, I think we were all nervous. I was especially nervous about the abortion discussion. I know this was mentioned, but it really is a discussion that has SO much to do with language that it becomes almost a roadblock at every word. We want to find the most correct, most inclusive way to discuss the issue without causing anyone unnecessary pain. It's tricky.
Developing a useful and agreed upon vocabulary, though, must be one of the most important parts of a large-scale debate like this. Otherwise, like Chee said, we just end up standing outside of each other's buildings screaming. Which is useless and rude and more about shame than about listening to someone's feelings. How useless and how heartless!
As far as gay marriage goes, it IS an issue of choice. I can say that the only gay wedding I've ever been to brought me to absolute tears. It was my cousin's wedding, and it was over the summer. It was at a place in New Hampshire called Alyson's Orchard--it's a private property that rents out a guest house and a large reception room with huge windows and light colored pine wood everywhere. It was gorgeous. My cousin and her wife looked stunning, and my cousin-in-law's little sister carried a parasol down the aisle before the women entered for the ceremony that said, "Here Come the Brides!" My father was the Justice of the Peace, and I have never seen two people more in love than Barbara and Briony. Nobody in the small town hassled them when they went to pick up the papers for their marriage license. Nobody treated them any differently at the little restaurant on the square or gawked at them when they showed wedding photos to the ladies at the courthouse. For those few days, everything was totally blissful and utopian. I felt proud of that town and doubly proud of my cousin and my new cousin-in-law. I sang Etta James' "At Last" to them while they sat for dinner, and the song has never felt more real to me than it did in dedication to my beautiful cousin and her beautiful bride.
I don't get how that could be wrong. I just...don't. And I'm honestly 100% disinterested in anyone ever trying to explain it to me as something wrong. And I'm okay with being pigheaded about that.
Developing a useful and agreed upon vocabulary, though, must be one of the most important parts of a large-scale debate like this. Otherwise, like Chee said, we just end up standing outside of each other's buildings screaming. Which is useless and rude and more about shame than about listening to someone's feelings. How useless and how heartless!
As far as gay marriage goes, it IS an issue of choice. I can say that the only gay wedding I've ever been to brought me to absolute tears. It was my cousin's wedding, and it was over the summer. It was at a place in New Hampshire called Alyson's Orchard--it's a private property that rents out a guest house and a large reception room with huge windows and light colored pine wood everywhere. It was gorgeous. My cousin and her wife looked stunning, and my cousin-in-law's little sister carried a parasol down the aisle before the women entered for the ceremony that said, "Here Come the Brides!" My father was the Justice of the Peace, and I have never seen two people more in love than Barbara and Briony. Nobody in the small town hassled them when they went to pick up the papers for their marriage license. Nobody treated them any differently at the little restaurant on the square or gawked at them when they showed wedding photos to the ladies at the courthouse. For those few days, everything was totally blissful and utopian. I felt proud of that town and doubly proud of my cousin and my new cousin-in-law. I sang Etta James' "At Last" to them while they sat for dinner, and the song has never felt more real to me than it did in dedication to my beautiful cousin and her beautiful bride.
I don't get how that could be wrong. I just...don't. And I'm honestly 100% disinterested in anyone ever trying to explain it to me as something wrong. And I'm okay with being pigheaded about that.
Daily Life
My best friend told me recently that she's been experiencing a lot of anxiety. She's been having panic attacks in her car. Fortunately, she's been going to a doctor to see if she can solve the problem through diet or mild medications. Her next step is finding a counselor that she feels comfortable talking with and making a steady appointment with that person.
I'm proud of her, y'know? Because a lot of people brush off things like anxiety. They make it out to be a part of life. They make it seem like everyone is SUPPOSED to be anxious and at their breaking point ALL THE TIME. There are people in the business world who think that if someone is NOT freaking out, that the person isn't taking things seriously. WHAT?!
This happens a lot in the university setting, too. I've noticed that we joke about these things more and more. Shannon asked me one night at Life and Lit, "What are you up to tonight?" I replied, "Ah, y'know. The usual. Crying and reading." It's a joke between us now, but I've heard countless people say things to me like, "Well. THAT's grad school for ya," when I talk about being constantly tired or talk about forgetting what it's like to go to a party where nobody talks about work. How odd that we allow ourselves to be oppressed in this way! Why are we built to believe that we must suffer in order to be happy?
When did someone ever say, "You really like theatre, huh? Oh! You like teaching, too? Well. Buckle up and make sure you're perfect at everything or you will be murdered!" Never! So why are we all freaking out?! I have to say that things have become more comfortable in the department--among the grad students, I mean. Something changed in all of us over the summer, I think. Maybe we all realized that it's not worth a damn thing if we're mentally ill by the time we get there. It's an interesting thing to recognize a systemic self-oppression. Like...like a web of people oppressing themselves and all telling one another that it's normal and okay and GOOD. How wild is that?!
I'm proud of her, y'know? Because a lot of people brush off things like anxiety. They make it out to be a part of life. They make it seem like everyone is SUPPOSED to be anxious and at their breaking point ALL THE TIME. There are people in the business world who think that if someone is NOT freaking out, that the person isn't taking things seriously. WHAT?!
This happens a lot in the university setting, too. I've noticed that we joke about these things more and more. Shannon asked me one night at Life and Lit, "What are you up to tonight?" I replied, "Ah, y'know. The usual. Crying and reading." It's a joke between us now, but I've heard countless people say things to me like, "Well. THAT's grad school for ya," when I talk about being constantly tired or talk about forgetting what it's like to go to a party where nobody talks about work. How odd that we allow ourselves to be oppressed in this way! Why are we built to believe that we must suffer in order to be happy?
When did someone ever say, "You really like theatre, huh? Oh! You like teaching, too? Well. Buckle up and make sure you're perfect at everything or you will be murdered!" Never! So why are we all freaking out?! I have to say that things have become more comfortable in the department--among the grad students, I mean. Something changed in all of us over the summer, I think. Maybe we all realized that it's not worth a damn thing if we're mentally ill by the time we get there. It's an interesting thing to recognize a systemic self-oppression. Like...like a web of people oppressing themselves and all telling one another that it's normal and okay and GOOD. How wild is that?!
Class 9/26
Shannon and Pam were today. I have to admit that I felt largely disconnected from the subjects of discussion. Even having been in some of the images, I just sort of...felt disconnected. I've never had a baby or even been close to someone pregnant. I mean, not enough to be invested in their pregnancy.
And I've never paid for health insurance. I've always been covered by a parent's plan or by insurance through a university. There were a few months between my undergrad and my time at Mizzou when I didn't have insurance, but I'm a very healthy person. I'm VERY rarely ill. If I vomit, it's a big deal. During my entire undergraduate career, it happened maybe three times? And since then, only once. I have some semi-intense allergies and sinus stuff happens, but I'm very rarely sick to the point that I need a doctor.
The alarming part of discussion for me was when the issue became about obesity as a disease. It's not a disease. Fat isn't something I caught from anyone, and it's not something I can give to anyone. It's not something that I can be vaccinated against and not something I can take medicine for. Furthermore, it's not something I feel the need to recover from. That's absurd. And yet, I'm consistently treated like a second-class citizen by medical professionals. Over the summer, I went in to ask about birth control. I've never had sexual intercourse and was primarily interested, I explained, in regulating my menstrual cycle because I had tried holistic medicines and found no success with them. I explained that my diet was better, if anything, than the last time I'd menstruated and that I was getting more exercise daily than the last time. The doctor checked my blood pressure, which was at an ideal place for my age. Subsequently, I was subjected to my SECOND pap smear of the year and was asked to have blood work done. I was told that it was urgent and should be done the next day. I was told that for MY best results, I should begin fasting when I left the office rather than a resting fast during my sleep. My blood work came back beautifully, but I couldn't bring myself to work with that particular doctor again. I felt disgusting and disrespected--I felt ashamed of my body and my blood and my uterus. I felt ashamed of my whole self. For the first time in quite some time, I felt guilty for being hungry. The whole experience was massively triggering, and I still haven't convinced myself to go back, even though I know I can request a different doctor.
I think people underestimate the impact that they have on others. It seems that particularly in high-anxiety jobs, a professional would take an interest in perfecting their "bedside manner". It seems like a person responsible for loving human bodies back to health would take the time to love the person inside of those bodies. At least enough to listen. At least enough to not think my fat is causing a malfunction in every piece of equipment you use on me. And if you stop being able to love those bodies...why be a doctor?
And I've never paid for health insurance. I've always been covered by a parent's plan or by insurance through a university. There were a few months between my undergrad and my time at Mizzou when I didn't have insurance, but I'm a very healthy person. I'm VERY rarely ill. If I vomit, it's a big deal. During my entire undergraduate career, it happened maybe three times? And since then, only once. I have some semi-intense allergies and sinus stuff happens, but I'm very rarely sick to the point that I need a doctor.
The alarming part of discussion for me was when the issue became about obesity as a disease. It's not a disease. Fat isn't something I caught from anyone, and it's not something I can give to anyone. It's not something that I can be vaccinated against and not something I can take medicine for. Furthermore, it's not something I feel the need to recover from. That's absurd. And yet, I'm consistently treated like a second-class citizen by medical professionals. Over the summer, I went in to ask about birth control. I've never had sexual intercourse and was primarily interested, I explained, in regulating my menstrual cycle because I had tried holistic medicines and found no success with them. I explained that my diet was better, if anything, than the last time I'd menstruated and that I was getting more exercise daily than the last time. The doctor checked my blood pressure, which was at an ideal place for my age. Subsequently, I was subjected to my SECOND pap smear of the year and was asked to have blood work done. I was told that it was urgent and should be done the next day. I was told that for MY best results, I should begin fasting when I left the office rather than a resting fast during my sleep. My blood work came back beautifully, but I couldn't bring myself to work with that particular doctor again. I felt disgusting and disrespected--I felt ashamed of my body and my blood and my uterus. I felt ashamed of my whole self. For the first time in quite some time, I felt guilty for being hungry. The whole experience was massively triggering, and I still haven't convinced myself to go back, even though I know I can request a different doctor.
I think people underestimate the impact that they have on others. It seems that particularly in high-anxiety jobs, a professional would take an interest in perfecting their "bedside manner". It seems like a person responsible for loving human bodies back to health would take the time to love the person inside of those bodies. At least enough to listen. At least enough to not think my fat is causing a malfunction in every piece of equipment you use on me. And if you stop being able to love those bodies...why be a doctor?
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