Pre-Finals Week or Burnout

Our final week of class was a positive experience to leave on. I think that we are all burned out, that we are all feeling the slow pull of self preservation as a priority, and that we all are feeling a little guilty and a little sheepish about that. At least, I am. I've been rather spoiled and selfish the last two weeks out of end-of-semester stress and nerves. Even though I know to breathe in clean positivity through the top of my head, I still get caught up in the minutia, the petty stuff. 

Playing games was actually extremely rejuvenating. I've never felt comfortable enough to do improv work like that--usually, I'm absolutely terrified of being somehow not enough or not right. When it's comfortable, it turns out, it's a blast! It's also kind of the next step in the image evolution game where one person presents an image that the other person changes by stepping into it back and forth. The Freeze game that Alex led became almost a dynamized, Stop and Think version of that Image game. 

Exploring what we wanted to be and what we never wanted to be was very interesting and very fun, especially gaining that kind of insight into our classmates. Something about it became...easy. It was like, for a few days, we were sort of released from one another. While we were still cautious to not offend anyone, free play was allowed. We were not ourselves for most of the games, so anything we said or did was part of the world of the game. It was nice to take a break from being busy, scared, anxious people to be just...big kids. It was nice to set aside the mantle of the stressed-out grad student and just....play. 

I also feel like I picked up a few tips on teaching acting from those games. I now feel comfortable in leading a game of Freeze--I would totally use that in a class like 1400. We could have a blast! 

Thank you for allowing us to lay down our exhausted, battered little spirits for a while to play. I know it may not have been the initial plan, but I don't think any of us were strong enough or selfless enough to pull through a Rainbow session no matter how much we wanted to. I think if we had tried, it would have ended up being a less productive, resentful situation. So thank you, Dr. B, for letting us tell you our limits.

Class Right Before Christmas Break

Working on and fiddling with creating an inverse Rainbow of Desire was kind of an interesting process to be part of. It's something that, with a bit of work, could probably yield really positive and helpful results, but I think it would have to happen as part of a two-part super detox. Not only the purgation of the bad that came from the situation, not only a reclaiming of the power from the situation, but also a forgiveness or compassion towards the antagonist.

Reflecting on it, I would have liked to have done it a little differently. First, create the version of the man who told Sarah she was not allowed in the program--just as Sarah describes, to her exact specifications. Then, ask Sarah to create an image of him that expresses and dynamizes the version of himself who interacts with his wife. Then, the version that interacts with, perhaps, students. Then, the version that exists with other men. And finally, the version that interacts with children. Sarah could then create a constellation of how his selves were arranged at the time of the meeting, and then one of how she wishes they were arranged. I'd like to see each of these versions deliver the news to Sarah, and I'd like to see her explain to each of them how they hurt her, to (if she feels capable and powerful enough) appeal to them all at once as a jury. I'd like to see her make her case, cry if she needs to, say everything she never got to say, and be encouraged to say the rude and angry things so that they can finally be purged from her system. Once she's said everything she needs to, each version of the antagonist should apologize to her and quietly persist in this until she feels comfortable and safe enough to forgive them. 

I think I'd like to see that someday. 

Rainbow, 150-185

Section 5 (150-173):

As interesting as the Screen Image activity is, I find Rainbow of Desire to be much more useful, particularly when looking at anger--temper flares or losses of patience. Most anger, I find, stems from fear or exists as a poorly manifested fear-based reaction. It is interesting to have an opportunity to re-trace steps that way and, recently, I have found myself imagining a rainbow of Megs every time I feel impatient or angry. I use them as little stepping stones to get back to the fear root of my problem. Usually I pass through indignance, pride, and then into fear--sometimes deeper than fear down into loneliness or fear of insufficiency.

I like the creation of constellations and I especially like the variation that Boal used with one young woman where she was allowed to bring only the parts of herself that she liked into "battle" with her. I want that for my every day life, and I'd love to work on things like this with college freshmen because they are learning to be autonomous and self-sufficient.

Section 6 (174-185):

I'd like to use the Stop and Think exercise (or at least several stages of it) as a director. It seems like a quick way to pull an actor out of her or his head and back into the present, into the body. I'd also like to have a director use it on me, because I know I climb up into my headspace a lot as an actor--I make it a cerebral thing for a very long time and THEN figure out the energy pattern and THEN the body.

For some of the same reason, I am also intrigued by the Somatisation activity wherein each participant physically feels and demonstrates whatever emotion they are experiencing--shivers and quivers and boiling rage and stomping and ANYTHING, so long as it is hyper-realized, magnified, and highly specific. This can pull an actor into her or his body and convince timid or hesitant actors to push the boundaries so they can be reeled in, which we all know is easier than trying to amp up an actor.

Finally, the Embassy Ball game is awesome. I feel like it would be a good way to explore character--especially in an understated, subtext-heavy kind of show like something by Oscar Wilde--something where the characters are far too proper to ever let loose, but if they did! Whoo!

Rainbow, Section 3 & 4

Section 3 (75-115):

Many of the image games included in this section are mentioned in Games for Actors and Non-Actors. Some of my favorites are Three Wishes and The Image of the Hour--it was interesting to look into some of the variations as more of a step-by-step system and less a use-this-if-it-works system. It's also nice to have a refresher about Image Theatre, though I feel it takes up a vast portion of this section and of Boal's time and energy when he could easily just say, "Please refer to Theatre of the Oppressed or Games for Actors and Non-Actors," but people probably don't typically read as much Boal as we do, either.

The image archetypes found in Alzira's Threat were fascinating--the image of the oppressed as someone unable to use legs or hands--someone looking down or away in ignorance. It highlights the idea that one of the worst forms of oppression is to see it and not try to stop it, but rather to stand by and allow it to persist.

Section 4 (115-150):

I'm specifically drawn here to The Image of the 'Cops in the Head' and Their Antibodies. The facet that intrigues me most is the stage when the protagonist tells each image statue "Remember that time when....and that is why...." followed by the slow movement of the Cops to their original spots, even after being pushed away from them. That slow, surrealist movement is happening at the same time that the protagonist is attempting battle with the very realistic antagonist. In my head, this is gorgeous. I can see it being a very moving experience, particularly the "remember that time" phase of the activity. I like the fact that the protagonist then gets to teach the audience how to fight each cop and gets to watch it all happen--watch peers take up arms for him/her.

Sometimes I fantasize about getting a degree in psychodrama or drama therapy. I feel as though activities like this one would be particularly beneficial. I might use the slow motion surrealism amidst practical realism sometime as a classroom activity to teach about balance and multitasking, though I would probably modify the game to be something like...take care of your little brother so he doesn't get eaten by zombies. Push them off, but they'll come back. The whole time, you have to tell your little brother a story so he doesn't get scared.

I think that would be a very effective multi-tasking game.

Rainbow Pg. 1-74

I know this isn't the order we were supposed to read in, but when I realized that I'd be playing catch-up to read the whole book, I thought it might be easier for me to go in order. I hope this isn't too bothersome. :/

Section 1 (pg. 1-46):

I like the idea of theatre as a mirror where the self recognizes itself on stage and accompanies an other. It's the gateway idea that helps people fall in love with theatre, I think--the idea that the way you interpret something is totally valid and totally unique to you, and other people want to experience it. When my students say things like, "So...even if I don't get what the designer was going for, it's still a good paper?" I explain that if they can tell me why they think what they think, it's valid. Their eyes light up, and some small part within them catches fire. "So even though I might write a totally different paper from him or from you...it's still kinda right?" Even if they never fall in love with theatre, they will learn to understand art in those terms and within those small moments, however fleeting.

I was very drawn to a few quotes, one of which was, "The being becomes human when it invents theatre." It's as though a person is just a vessel, a shell, an empty container until she or he learns to create theatre--to present itself to others and to observe others' presentations of themselves. It's as though that is the moment that the vessel becomes a sentient, capable, soulful creature capable of manifesting, denying, and transforming his or her destiny.

I wonder about the use of the "aesthetic space" of the stage as a "safe space". It is removed from the audience and made magical by its exclusivity, by its telescope effect. Things fall by the wayside and, while watching a performance, we are able to fall away from daily troubles and weave ourselves into the energy of the play and of the actors.

I like this quote as well: "Actors search the depths of the soul and the infinity of the metaphysical." This is in the section where Boal talks about how dangerous it can be to be an actor--how we stumble and rummage through our closets to dredge out all of our demons, embrace them, and show them off for the whole free world to see. It's then up to us to leash them and shove them back into the place that turns fresh cuts into faded scars.

When he talks about the first step of Cops in the Head being Osmosis, or the interpenetration of ideas, I wondered how this might encompass things like microaggressions--the normalization of something other that what one is rather than the idea that anything one is, is normal. "You've lost some weight, huh? You look great!" rather than "Gorgeous as always! As a matter of curiosity, have you lost weight? You look more slender."

Section 2 (pg. 47-74):

I enjoyed the story about the encounter with the mentally "handicapped" adolescents. The idea that Boal treated the assistant the same as the other adolescents because he had viewed everyone as "handicapped" is an encouraging thing. If one prepares oneself every day to encounter only good people, only compassionate human beings, one will treat others as though they are already compassionate and will earn their genuine compassion in return.

I want to note the major rules of Rainbow improvisation here so I don't forget them and so I can refer to them later:
-The protagonist chooses the participants
-The protagonist fulfills the duties of a dramaturg
-The protagonist corrects or compensates for missing information

I found the Morenean Catharsis very interesting. Sometimes, when people are angry, they need to be angry until they burn out--they need to burn until there's no fuel left for the fire. Fiery people seem to be like that--people with a tendency towards anger or rapid temper or frustration. If they are angry, they don't want to be soothed--they want to be as fiercely angry as possible for as long as it takes to feel that they've burned through everything and can start clean.

Oops/Ouch Blanket and Rainbow

Last Thursday, we did our oops/ouch activity. I found it very helpful, actually. I needed a bit of resolution, and I certainly can always use a lot of hugs. I got to resolve my one outstanding conflict, and I hope the other party feels less weighed down by how that all went. Good juujuu all around! I think it was especially important to engage with something like that before heading into Rainbow. My goodness. I think we all would have felt really up tight if we hadn't done something like that. It also had a wonderful effect on the rest of my life--it's good to make a space for peace to happen instead of relying on it to happen spontaneously. I think that's important and a good lesson for a lot of us to learn and re-learn.

I like Rainbow. A lot. It's rough, it's rocky, it's personal. It's kind of all of the things that I love most about theatre. It puts theatre-making in the hands of any person. It doesn't rely on much privilege, and it offers an opportunity to resolve the unspoken or to rehearse (as Melissa used her experience) for future conflicts along the same vein. What I love most is that Rainbow takes this high-art, abstract idea of making theatre and turns it into an accessible, useful practice even for people who have never done theatre before.

Melissa's particular experience is something I greatly identified with. It was almost the exact conversation I was waiting to propose. I don't have a whole lot of unresolved conflict in my life, thank goodness. I didn't open my particular can of worms, though, because my mother got into town on Tuesday and I was in no place to be vulnerable to something like that right before encountering her. The relationships we have with our mothers...they're tough. It's difficult to recognize that someone loves you when what they're doing or saying is so obviously hurting you. Conversely, I imagine it's difficult to recognize that you're hurting someone when you're trying so hard to prove your love to them.

It was helpful to see Melissa's rainbow pan out. I felt that a small part of my own conflict was resolved. I hope that she does well when her mother and aunt come to town for Thanksgiving. I think I'm going to tell her that she can text me for encouragement while they're here--like if she needs emotional back-up.

One thing about Rainbow that really intrigues me is the audience spotter. I'd like to give that a try, so I'll probably volunteer for it in class today. I feel like I want to be a professional spotter. It would be interesting to practice that in conjunction with energy healing, even if only to sense disturbances and "ruffles in the field". I feel like it could be very useful and very productive--I also think that it would be difficult to know what will help certain people. Joshua, for example, is an introvert and needs people to go away when he's upset. Jennie, though, would probably welcome physical contact and a soft voice of reassurance.

Forum Project!

 I thought our forum piece went so well!

It was surprising to me that people told us we were right to stick to our guns--we proved ourselves and proved that our vision can work. Even if that vision is non-realistic. We proved that a non-realistic style of forum can be functional. I was SO happy that it went well.

At one point, it was suggested that we should use a powerpoint to communicate our information about cops in the street versus cops in the head. Looking back, I find this idea uncomfortable. It delineates a certain amount of privilege, yes, but it also implies that I should put my audience in the dark, show them words and images, and then try to play forum games with them. Forum is about communication, about confrontation, about person-to-person being. So why would I want to miss out on an opportunity to look my audience in the eye? Why would I want to avoid exchanging energy with them, smiling at them, welcoming them to a new world of emotional exploration? It just seems like an odd suggestion to me.

The interventions were interesting--it seemed like everyone got an opportunity to combat a specific facet of oppression that they have felt more than the others. I was surprised when V responded and dove in as quickly as she did. I thought there would be more hesitation--I didn't expect her to intervene at all, to be honest. Her intervention seemed almost a little helpless, a little meek. I think Rumor Girl is also one of the trickier interventions for our triad, though, because she doesn't care if what she says is factual. She doesn't care if anyone likes her or not. She just wants to seem knowledgeable and feel confident, probably because some not-so-great things happened in her past.

Joshua's intervention went beautifully, and I am SO happy that he got something out of it, so happy that there could be a learning experience and that Ben was able to dive in like that. I mean, Joshua has a lot of knowledge on conducting a confrontation with a person and handling himself rationally. I would have been terrified if he had chosen me. I am SO proud that Ben just did the damn thing. So proud.

Dylan conducted himself beautifully and genuinely in his interaction with you--finding a common language and agreeing on topics of discussion and prohibited conversation may be the best we can do with Nanas. I thought it was very brave of you to intervene, Dr. B. Knowing that this is one of your hot-button issues and very personal to you means that we know the courage it probably took for you to intervene, particularly with someone as immoveable as Nana. I hope that it was a productive experience and that it helped absolve or lay to rest some of the poisonous things that were said or handed down to you.

I felt seriously empowered that we created a functional, brave, non-realistic, non-ITT format and that our piece as a success. YAAAAAAAY! Snoopy dances! Kermit arms!